


The Tribulations of Being a "Downer"

by Lizz_Mayhem



Series: Sanders Sides Drabbles [16]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series), Thomas Sanders
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2019-06-25 15:32:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15643683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lizz_Mayhem/pseuds/Lizz_Mayhem
Summary: An au in which Virgil works at a restaurant and the others are customers.





	The Tribulations of Being a "Downer"

**Author's Note:**

> This took me FOREVER to write and it's kinda meh? I dunno, you be the judge.

“Want a free meal? Make Anx the Downer laugh!”

 

The neon sign caused Virgil’s frown to deepen.

 

_ What a fucking joke _ , he thought as he put on the server apron. He glanced out into the main dining room to see some people sitting at the tables. He hoped none of them would attempt the offer but in reality, he knew that it was inevitable. Virgil couldn’t tell you the number of times people had already attempted. The worst part? The sign had only been up for a month.

 

Virgil heard the chime of the bell above the door. He glanced up to see three guys walk in, one of them chatting excitedly while the other two listened along and nodded. He watched as they sat down in a booth and waited. Virgil stood in place and debated on walking over to them. That was when he heard,“Hey, what’s that sign say up there?” Virgil immediately grabbed three menus and dashed over to the group.

 

“This place looks nice, though,” he heard one of the guys say. The guy sitting across from him shrugged.

 

“It looks clean, I suppose,” he stated, looking around. The guy sitting beside him dramatically sighed.

 

“Yeah, well, I bet it won’t be  _ nearly  _ as good as the last place we went to,” he groaned and sank down in his seat.

 

“Roman, enough.”

 

Virgil set down the menus in front of them and said, as best as he could manage,“Hi, welcome to Jo’s Deli. Can I, uh, start you off with something to drink?” Virgil reached for his notepad and pen.

 

“Can I have some orange juice?” the first guy asked. Virgil nodded and wrote it down. The guy turned to the other two. “Logan? Roman?”

 

“I’ll just have a water,” the one presumably named Logan said as he picked up the menu. Virgil wrote it down and glanced at the last guy, Roman.

 

“Do you always dress up like you’re going to die at any moment?” he asked as he pointed to Virgil.

 

“Roman!” the first guy said. “Don’t be rude!”

 

“I’m sorry Pat, it’s just that everything’s colorful here and then there’s  _ this guy -  _ the Walking Emo Nightmare or something or other - I just  _ had  _ to ask!” Virgil glanced down at himself.

 

_ Walking Emo Nightmare? _

 

That one was a bit bizarre but Virgil had to admit that it was far more creative than any nickname he’d been given previously.

 

‘Pat’ shook his head and turned to Virgil. “I’m sorry for his attitude, he hasn’t had any food yet-”

 

“Oh yeah, food!” Roman picked up the menu and flipped through it. Logan glanced between him and Pat. Pat shrugged and opened the menu up. Logan turned to Virgil.

 

“Do you have any cherry soda? Or any drink that’s pink?”

 

“Yeah, we have cherry seven up.”

 

“Alright, that’ll work.” Virgil wrote it down and was about to walk away when Logan pulled him back.

 

“Sorry, one other thing.” Logan glanced at Roman to see him still staring at the menu. “He has this…thing where he orders his drink in a wine glass. Is there any possible way that you could do that or…?” Virgil stared at Logan.

 

_ Is this guy serious? _

 

He glanced over at Roman and took into account what he was wearing and how he had acted before he glanced back to Logan and saw his serious expression.

 

_ Yeah, he’s being serious. _

 

“I’ll…I’ll see what I can do.” Logan nodded. Virgil walked off to the kitchen and ran a hand over his face as he went to fill up the glasses.

 

“Ah, Anx!” he heard as he was setting Pat’s and Logan’s drinks down on a tray. He internally groaned and looked up to see his manager grinning. “Someone wants to try out the offer!”

 

“I’m kind of busy, right now,” he mumbled, motioning to the drinks. “Also…do we have any wine glasses? Or fancy cups?”

 

“Does this look like a winery to you, kid?” she asked, rolling her eyes.

 

“Fancy cups?” he repeated, doing his best not to talk back.

 

“The Coca-Cola ones. What you need them for anyway?”

 

Virgil grabbed one and filled it with cherry soda before answering. “One of the guys I’m serving ordered his drink in a wine glass and since we don’t have those…this is the next best option.” He picked up the tray and walked past her, but not before she muttered something to him. He ignored her and walked off to the table.

 

“Where is that guy?” Roman asked as he nearly stood up in his seat. Logan pulled him down.

 

“Roman, stop it! You’re going to make a scene!”

 

“You know by now that I do not care, Logan. I’m hungry!”

 

“Hi, hungry! I’m dad.”

 

“Patton!”

 

_ His full name’s Patton, huh? _

 

Virgil set down the drinks in front of them and Roman gasped as he was handed the Coca-Cola glass.

 

“Sorry, we didn’t have any wine glasses,” Virgil said as he turned to Logan. “Anyway, are you ready to order? Or…?”

 

“No, we’re ready,” Patton said. “I’ll have some chicken and waffles.”

 

“I’ll have a BLT,” Logan said as he handed Virgil his menu. Patton handed his over as well.

 

“That’s it?” Roman asked.

 

“Well, with a side of fries-”

 

“That’s  _ it _ ?!” Logan rolled his eyes.

 

“And what are  _ you  _ getting?” he asked him.

 

“ _ I’m _ getting the chicken alfredo pasta.” Virgil did his best not to roll his eyes as he wrote everything down.

 

“Is that all?” he asked.

 

“For now,” Roman said as he slid the menu over and took a sip from his soda. Virgil walked off and he could hear the guys arguing. He stuck the note on the order wheel and watched as Logan and Roman argued some more.

 

_ They sound like a married couple. _

 

Virgil nearly smiled at the idea but then remembered where he was.

 

“Anx,” his manager said again. He turned to her, frowning. “Since I  _ know  _ you aren’t doing anything currently, how about we go see if those customers make you laugh?” Virgil rolled his eyes and shrugged. She walked off and Virgil knew he had to follow her. She led him over to a table of four teenagers who were all arguing. “Well, well, well.” The four looked up and Virgil noticed them tense when they saw him. “Let’s see what you got!”

 

The first teen cleared her throat and said,“So, there’s a couple going to prom.” Virgil nodded slightly but immediately knew where this joke was going. “They both go to get their outfits but they end up having to wait in a long line. Then they go to get flowers but that has a long line too. And when they go to rent a limo, well, there’s a long line.” Yup, Virgil knew  _ exactly  _ where this joke was going. “So eventually prom night comes. They have everything, they go to the prom and they both go to get punch-”

 

“Let me guess,” Virgil interrupted. “There’s no punchline?” The teen went quiet. “Sorry kid, I’ve heard that one before. Anything else?”

 

The second teen cleared their throat and said,“What’s the difference between a bicycle?” Virgil blinked.

 

“Wha-”

 

“A banana. Vests don’t wear sleeves.”

 

Virgil stared at the teen. “That…that wasn’t even…no. Anything else?” The group chuckled and the teen pouted.

 

The third teen spoke up. “What do you call a snobbish prisoner going down the stairs?” Virgil shrugged but he knew he had heard this one before, too. “A condescending con descending.”

 

“Heard that one before. Almost got me the first time but after fifteen times it isn’t really funny anymore. Anything else?”

 

The fourth teen, who had been slouching in their chair, sat up and said,“When does a joke become a dad joke?”

 

“I dunno, when?”

 

“When it becomes apparent.” Virgil let that one sink in. It definitely wasn’t as bad as the other ones. In fact, it was the best one out of all of them (although the prison joke wasn’t bad either but after hearing it so many times it got old). But was the joke smile worthy?

 

“Not bad. Not good enough, though. Is that it?” The teens pouted.

 

“Yeah…”

 

“Well, I guess I’ll be off then.” Virgil walked off towards the kitchen. A part of him felt bad but constantly having to put up with the offer can do something to you.

 

_ This time wasn’t bad, though _ , he thought as he approached the order wheel. He saw the BLT done and placed it on his tray while he waited for the other plates to come out.

 

The bell chimed again and Virgil glanced back to see a group of regulars. He internally groaned and hoped they wouldn’t try to attempt the offer again. He grabbed the other two plates and walked over to the table where Roman and Logan seemed to be arguing.

 

“Roman, this is the most pointless argument we’ve had ever,” he heard Logan say. “And we’ve argued over whether digital books are better than physical ones…”

 

“Well, my point still stands!” Logan rolled his eyes. Patton laughed.

 

“You two fight like an old married couple,” he said. Logan and Roman immediately made faces of disgust which caused Patton to laugh some more. Virgil set down their plates of food and did his best to stay out of the conversation.

 

“I would  _ not  _ marry someone like him!” Roman shouted. Logan rolled his eyes.

 

“And I wouldn’t marry someone like him, either. I have standards, Patton.” Roman dramatically gasped and glared at Logan. Virgil faked a cough in an attempt to hide his laugh. Patton turned to him.

 

“Can I have some ketchup?” he asked.

 

“Oh, yeah! Hold up just a sec.” Virgil walked away and scolded himself.

 

_ I forgot the fucking ketchup. How great. I’m an idiot. _

 

After a few minutes of searching, Virgil returned to the table with a new bottle of ketchup. Roman and Logan had begun eating while they continued to insult each other. He set the ketchup down and proceeded to walk away when Logan pulled him back.

 

“Um, there are better ways of calling me back, you know.”

 

“Well, you don’t have a name tag and you didn’t introduce yourself, you know,” Logan shot back. Roman snickered.

 

“Gee, no need to be rude about it.”

 

“Well, you started this whole ordeal.”

 

“Well, I actually didn’t but go off, I guess.”

 

“What?” Virgil didn’t reply. “Alright, I see how it is. Look, we were just curious about that sign over there.” Logan pointed to it and Virgil didn’t even have to turn around to know which sign it was.

 

“The one with the free meal?” Virgil was already bracing himself.

 

“You didn’t even turn around,” Patton pointed out. “A lot of people ask about it, huh?” Virgil nodded.

 

“Free food always brings people in. No one’s ever succeeded, though.”

 

“I bet I could,” Roman declared. Virgil rolled his eyes. Roman noticed. “Hey, I’m gonna attempt it! And you’re gonna see, I’m gonna be the first guy to win us a free meal.”  Virgil stared at Roman. He was determined and dramatic, that’s for sure. Virgil wasn’t sure if he’d be willing to smile for him, though.

 

“Well?” Virgil said. “Are you gonna try and humor me or what?” The three stared up at him in shock.

 

“ _ You’re _ Anx?” Patton asked. Virgil nodded slightly.

 

“I  _ knew it _ !” Logan stared at Roman.

 

“No, you didn’t.” Roman frowned.

 

“Logan, please, just this once-”

 

“No.” Roman pouted and turned back to Virgil.

 

“So,  _ Anx _ -”

 

“Anx isn’t my actual name but sure, go ahead and call me that.”

 

“It’s not?” Patton asked. Virgil shook his head.

 

“They don’t really give a damn here about my name. Anx is just short for the other nickname they’ve given me.” Virgil turned back to Roman. “Are you sure you want to attempt it?”

 

“No, Roman, please don’t.” Everyone turned to Patton. Patton looked up at Virgil. “How long have they been doing that?”

 

“The offer? About-”

 

“No, not the offer. I mean treating you as a joke.”

 

Virgil didn’t reply immediately. He thought back to the first week or so when he had been getting to know everyone and how to properly serve people without getting anxiety attacks (which prompted them to give him the nickname “anxiety”). The week after, everyone started noticing that Virgil didn’t smile or talk much so they decided to use the (second) most unoriginal nickname for him: “downer”. Then a month later, the idea of the offer came up. Of course, Virgil had been against the idea but did anyone listen?

 

“Well, I mean, not that long since I just started working here…” Patton frowned.

 

“Why don’t you say something about it?” Logan asked. Virgil shrugged.

 

“I’ve tried but it’s not like anyone here listens.”

 

“Why don’t you just leave?” Roman suggested in between mouthfuls of pasta.

 

“They’re the only place around here that’ll employ me…”

 

The bell above the door chimed. Virgil looked up to see one of the regulars walk in. He heaved a sigh and excused himself from the table before going to serve them. Not that the regular was bad, especially since they were one of the few decent regulars who didn’t attempt the offer, but Virgil couldn’t say that he hadn’t been brought down by the conversation he’d just had.

 

After taking their order and placing it on the order wheel, he glanced back to the other three. They seemed to be arguing again. Or, at the very least, Patton and Logan were arguing while Roman ate his pasta. Logan eventually gave up and went to his sandwich. Patton smiled in triumph and placed some ketchup on his fries. Virgil heard the plate of food being slid to him. He took it and delivered it to the regular, who thanked him. Virgil nodded and was about to walk to the back room when he heard Logan call out,“Anx!” Virgil approached the table.

 

“Logan, that’s not his name!” Patton said.

 

“He never gave us his real name so-”

 

“Virgil.” The three looked up at him. “My name’s Virgil. What did you need?”

 

“Aw, Virgil’s a nice name,” Patton said with a smile. “Anyway, so, I have an offer for you.”

 

“O-kay…”

 

“So, you know how you said that this is the only place that will employ you?” Virgil nodded. “Well, I figured we could help you out…how would you like to quit your job and join us as a roommate?” Virgil’s eyes widened.

 

_ He’s joking, right? _

 

“I, uh…” Virgil rubbed the back of his head. “As much as I would like to, I don’t think that would be the best idea…I mean, you  _ just  _ met me and Roman and I already don’t get along and Logan’s sassy and you’d probably be the only one I’d talk to because of my anxiety. Besides, I probably wouldn’t even be a good roommate so-”

 

“Nonsense,” Patton interrupted. “I think you’d fit in well with us.”

 

_ Fit in? I’d stick out like a sore thumb… _

 

“Also, if your only problem with Logan is that he’s sassy,” Roman started. He then heaved a sigh that came out more like a whistle. “You might as well join us since you’d get along just fine with him.” Logan shrugged.

 

“Of course, you don’t have to,” he said. “Especially since there are many uncertainties here, including not knowing anything about you, but it would be nice to be accompanied by a fourth person so that the group is even.”

 

The three stared at him expectantly. Virgil thought about the offer. This was his chance to start something new. Of course, this wasn’t the first time he’d said that to himself. Then again, he’d never had anyone else there with him when he started again, so…

 

“Alright, I guess I’ll join with you. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you…”

 

“Yay!” Patton grinned. Roman sighed.

 

“I guess I can’t take that offer then, huh? Since that would be rude?” he asked.

 

“I mean, you  _ could… _ And I’d probably smile…but only because I’d want at least  _ one  _ person to get a free meal here, not because you’re funny.” Roman gasped dramatically which caused Patton and Logan to laugh.

 

“How  _ dare  _ you! I’m funny! I’ll show you!”

 

“Oh yeah? Hit me with your best shot.”


End file.
